Thursday Tresses

Girlfriends

Ethel Merman, Mae West and Judy Garland

Irene Dunne and Barbara Stanwyck

Susan Hayward and Ingrid Bergman

Dorothy Lamour, Gracie Allen and Betty Hutton

Jane Powell, Noel Coward and Zsa Zsa Gabor

She's a Schemer, Aren't We All?

Double Indemnity (1944, Paramount)

Queen Joan

Was there every any real doubt as to who would ultimately wear SSUWAT's coveted crown? Joan Crawford's entire life was an upward struggle to succeed, and she fiercely protected and defended the image she had worked so hard to create and maintain. It's easy to make fun of Crawford: the exaggerated eyebrows, shoulders and lips; the overly coordinated ensembles (with plastic-covered handbags and f*ck-me pumps to match); the intensity she would bring to scenes and dialogue that sometimes cried out for a lighter touch; the endless spate of tacky Mommie Dearest jokes.


But, in the end, Joan Crawford deserves our respect for her unyielding devotion to the business of being a Movie Star. Whatever her talent was as an actress -- and we do think Crawford's abilities are often given short shrift -- it paled in comparison to the frighteningly focused way she managed her fame and her public. No one played the game better than Joan Crawford, and she rarely let the facade drop. If Joan's biggest failing as a human being was her complete lack of empathy for those who were less driven than she, it must be noted that she demanded no more of her children, co-workers or employees than she demanded of herself -- it's just that very few others possessed her superhuman capacity for self-discipline.


In compiling our list of the dozen most-frequently-posted divas (who actually comprise the Top 10; there were two "ties" with equal numbers of posts), Joan Crawford far outpaced the competition; we have featured her no less than 135 times! Her closest competition was, ironically, her old nemesis Marilyn Monroe, who logged 66 posts -- tying her with rival bombshell Jayne Mansfield. The "runners up" who didn't make the Top 10, but still have been featured over 20 times a piece are:

Arlene Dahl

Doris Day

Ann-Margret

Sophia Loren

Barbara Stanwyck

Arlene Francis

Susan Hayward

What sayeth thou, fair readers? Who do you think deserving of a place in the Top 10? Who should be edged out of the current crop? Discuss!

What Did We Do...

...before they invented hand sanitizer?

Miss Stanwyck

Unamused in any decade.

Geometry Lessons

Miss Stanwyck appears courtesy of MATTADORE!

Let Them Entertain You

And there's free beer at Irene Dunne's place! Served in a pretty glass, of course.

Don't Mess With Missy

She will cut a bitch.

From the fabulous MIKE'S MOVIE PROJECTOR

Pillow Talk

The stuffing dreams are made of.

THANKS

A Life in Pictures

"Share three classic movie moments that have, in some shape or form, made you buy things, do things, think things that perhaps you shouldn't have."

That's the challenge set before us by FelixInHollywood. As a rule, we're not particularly fond of memes, but this one intrigued us. Whether we should have bought, done, or thought these things is debatable, but here we go:

• The last item we bought after viewing a movie was a pair of deep, golden yellow Sermoneta kid gloves piped in a light, doe brown and lined in cashmere. We were so inspired by Anton Walbrook in The Red Shoes (1948), who wears the most impeccable suits, stylish eyewear, and gorgeous gloves of any man in any film we've ever seen. There's a throwaway moment where Walbrook is at a train station, wearing a simple, flawlessly-cut black suit, with his yellow kid gloves peeking out of his suit pocket. We were enthralled.
  
  
  
• Oh, how many times have we done one of these scenes - often with our sparring partner completely unaware of the fact that we were actually channeling Helen Lawson, Margo Channing, or Faye-as-Joan?
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• When we first came to New York, we thought that life would be like How to Marry a Millionaire (1953) - we'd have a soundstage-sized apartment, scads of beautiful clothes, and handsome millionaires (or at least Rory Calhoun) throwing themselves at our feet.
  
  

It's funny, though, how many things (both specific and abstract) have been influenced by films that we love: the way we think, how we conduct ourselves, our view of life in general. We particularly identify with miraculous transformation stories: Bette Davis blossoming from spinsterish "Aunt Charlotte" to confident "Miss Charlotte Vale" in Now, Voyager (1942) is a touchstone in our lives.


Having undergone our own metamorphosis from drab to divoon, we were convinced that Charlotte Vale's triumphant tale was really our own. Everything seemed to mirror our own real life situation. Ugly eyeglasses, unruly brows, and ungainly appearance? Check, check, and check.


Bonita Granville, as Charlotte's bitchily bullying niece, could have been any number of classmates who made going to school an endurance test. "We always ragged Aunt Charlotte...it was only a game!"


And if our own mother wasn't quite the monstrous gorgon so brilliantly essayed by Gladys Cooper, she had the same steely, domineering edge as Mrs. Vale, and we shared the same complex, maddening relationship as Charlotte and her mother ("My mother, my mother, my mother!")


Some other films we've strongly identified with over the years:

In Possessed (1931), Joan Crawford plays Marian, a factory worker who climbs her way up the social ladder by climbing on top of Clark Gable. In one of the film's earliest, best, and best-known scenes, a passenger train filled with beautiful, elegantly-gowned and -tuxedoed swells passes through town, bound for glamorous New York City, while Marian watches, literally from the wrong side of the tracks.


Twenty years later, Crawford was playing nearly the same role, only with even more guts and less sentiment, in The Damned Don't Cry (1950). As smalltown drudge Ethel Whitehead-turned-faux society dame Lorna Hansen Forbes, Crawford knows what she wants and how she's going to get it - and she's none too fussy about the body count.


As we delved deeper into affaires de coeur, we suddenly began imagining our day-to-day routine as produced by Ross Hunter, wardrobed by Jean Louis, with jewels by David Webb, furs by Alexandre, and a swoony title song. We lived out the drama and romance of Back Street (1961) on more than several occasions, although we have never had a showdown with a Vera Miles-esque scorned wife - for better or worse, depending on how you look at it.


Finally, one of the defining, seminal moments in our warped childhood was the first time that we saw Mahogany, the 1975 feature film which elevated Diana Ross to the status of uber-gay icon, while simultaneously nearly ruining her mainstream film career (The Wiz put the final nail in the coffin).


We positively gasped, gaped and gawked at the insane fashion show that Miss Ross put on for 90 glamorous minutes, all designed (yes, she really took credit for it!) by her own hand, and heavily inspired by kabuki, Erté, Ross's own Motown finishing school-run-amok idea of elegance, and a little Boom! (1968) thrown in for good measure.

"DIVA 2" by Erté

ELIZABETH TAYLOR (with Richard Burton and Noel Coward) DRESSED BY VALENTINO IN BOOM! (1968)

Needless to say, in spite of an inspired use of neon tubes, Miss Ross's designs for Mahogany didn't exactly start any new trends - but they did make quite an impression. We were suddenly aware of the power of expressing oneself visually, of making a statement with apparel and adornment - and that epiphany came to us through the medium of film.

DESIGNS BY DIANA ROSS FOR MAHOGANY (1975)

Our love for Mahogany (which is no cinematic classic, we understand) also neatly sums up just why we love these strong, temperamental, brave, glamorous women of the screen: it's the triumph of the underdog, really - from Bette Davis to Joan Crawford; Roz Russell to Barbara Stanwyck; Judy Garland to Diana Ross; none of these superstar divas were classic beauties or demure shrinking violets. They didn't make it to the top on their looks and by playing cute; they made themselves beautiful and glamorous by sheer force of personality, talent and guts, and through constant reinvention. It's a lesson we continue to be inspired by.

We hereby tag these other sassy inspirations:

normadesmond of Mitten Drinnen
Ask The Cool Cookie of Doing Hard Time in Shaker Heights
Poseidon3 of Poseidon's Underworld

Have fun!