...who is chatting with Miss Dorothy Kilgallen in the CBS commissary...
...when they spy, sitting a few tables away, Jeanne Crain...
...who is lunching with Eva Bartok...
...except that Jeanne and Eva are dressed as pioneer women. They're whisked away from the commissary by wagon train, through the wildnerness, where they encounter Daniel Boone...
...who, in our dream, is portrayed not by Fess Parker, but Matthew McConnaughey.
Suddenly, we are wandering through the historical home of Daniel Boone, including a room where, a plaque tells us, he consummated an affair with Dorothy Dandridge.
Struck by nature's call, we search the museum for a public restroom, finally finding one and then realizing that we are barefoot! Of course, we don't want to pull a Britney Spears...
...so we leave. In the courtyard of the museum, we realize we left our pink cosmetic case (which we don't actually own in real life!)...
...and our Louis Vuitton Baikal bag (which we do) sitting on a bench.
Frantically, we search them to make sure nothing's missing, and discover a litany of missed calls on our iPhone...
...from our boss, wondering where the hell we are, and why we are late for work.
We blame it all on Arlene Francis, who started the whole bizarre mess.
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